Top 53 Funny Straight Up Quotes

straight up quotes: #1. Only bad golfers are lucky. They’re the ones bouncing balls off trees, curbs, turtles and cars. Good golfers have bad luck. When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky. – Author: Lee Trevino

Funny Straight Up Quotes #1183171

#2. […]he’s a man you’d be proud to bring home to mom.
Gay or straight.
Unfortunately, if your mother is anything like mine, you’d probably never get him back out of her house. – Author: Adrienne Wilder

Funny Straight Up Quotes #799278

 

#3. The funny thing is while the grown-ups in the family may indulge, we really try to offer our son Duke clean food, as all his meals are made with organic ingredients as the rest of us eat cookies straight out of the freezer. – Author: Bill Rancic

Funny Straight Up Quotes #804816

#4. All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don’t have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead. – Author: Will Ferrell

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#5. me in bed – with a honeymoon present. Some of them were small, some were funny jokes, and some were extravagant, but every present came straight – Author: James Patterson

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#6. I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job. – Author: Steven Wright

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#7. A lot of comedies are based on the reaction shot. You have one person doing something stupid and one person is generally the straight man, and the laughs generally come on the reaction of the straight man to the funny thing the other person has done. – Author: Richard Ayoade

Funny Straight Up Quotes #900554

#8. It seems to me that a man who can think straight along for forty-seven years without changing a single idea ought to be kept in a cabinet as a curiosity. – Author: Jean Webster

Funny Straight Up Quotes #1014781

 

#9. Perhaps I should have pointed out more often that without her (mother’s) guidance and example I might have gone straight from short pants to Long Bay Gaol, which in those days was still in use and heavily populated by larcenous young men who had chosen their parents less wisely. – Author: Clive James

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#10. Straight men just can’t imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do. – Author: Graham Norton

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#11. You try to live straight in this crazy, crooked, mixed-up world – that’s what’s funny. You know what I mean?”
“I do, I do,” I said.
“You don’t even have to do anything especially funny. You just act normal. That alone looks strange and funny. Acting like that interests me. – Author: Haruki Murakami

Funny Straight Up Quotes #1074049

#12. You know crazy straws – they go all over the place? These straws are sane. They never lost their mind. They say, “we’re going straight to the mouth. That guy who takes a while to get there? He’s crazy.” – Author: Mitch Hedberg

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#13. No doubt two straight men couldn’t easily fit in it together let alone maneuver around each other. Gay men had all sorts of space-saving advantages, namely their willingness to insert parts into one another. – Author: Gina A. Rogers

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#14. I’m usually not the straight guy. I’m sometimes more the funny guy, depending on the situation. – Author: John Kapelos

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#15. I have lots of friends who are straight, privileged white guys, and I’m totally okay with them. I think they should have equal rights, just like he rest of us.” Christa laughed again. Her eyes crinkled up, as though she actually thought I was funny. “As long as they don’t flaunt it, right? – Author: Robin Talley

Funny Straight Up Quotes #793595

#16. If you play it straight it’s funny – the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding from the screenplay that a moment is hilarious. – Author: Tom Hiddleston

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#17. Your hair looks funny,” Lief said, as soon as the Ugloids left. “It stands straight up!”
No,” said Nick, intensely irritated, “It’s hanging straight down.”
Lief just gave him an upside-down shrug. “Up is down in China and you’re part-Chinese. – Author: Neal Shusterman

Funny Straight Up Quotes #1313587

#18. The brilliance of Adam Scott is that he is so damn funny in a straight man role. – Author: Rob Thomas

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#19. Fifteen minutes later, Justin looks at his pint of blood with pride. He doesn’t want it to go to some stranger, he almost wants to bring it to the hospital himself, survey the wards and present it to someone special, for it’s the first thing to come straight from his heart in a very long time. – Author: Cecelia Ahern

Funny Straight Up Quotes #1339305

#20. Let The Rock understand this, he beats your ass in cage match last week and now your the number 1 contender? Well The Rock knows exactly why that is; you’ve got a three foot nose you turn it sideways and stick it straight up Vince’s ass! – Author: Dwayne Johnson

Funny Straight Up Quotes #1431192

 

#21. Normally, it’s one or the other – a pretty, straight woman or a more charactery woman who isn’t supposed to be attractive. But women like Tina Fey are leading the charge on being both. You can be funny and attractive. – Author: Becki Newton

Funny Straight Up Quotes #1439305

#22. Seems like I’ve been here before, can’t remember when I get this funny feeling, we’ll be together again; No straight lines make up my life, all my roads have bends; No clearcut beginnings; so far, no dead ends. – Author: Tom Chapin

Funny Straight Up Quotes #1449664

#23. He couldn’t just come right out with it, could he? No, that would scare her off. He had to be subtle, build up to it. Explain himself.
“I love you.”
Of course, straight to the point was also an effective strategy. – Author: Sarah Mayberry

Funny Straight Up Quotes #1477966

#24. Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it “The No Fact Zone.” Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term. – Author: Stephen Colbert

Funny Straight Up Quotes #1485456

#25. I think so,” she [Claire] said. “Just watch your back, okay?”
“Nah, Michael’s got mine.” He [Shane] looked straight into her eyes.
“I’ve got yours. – Author: Rachel Caine

Funny Straight Up Quotes #1488151

#26. I’m not at all funny. I can do dark comedy pretty well, but straight-up comedy, I don’t know. I’m much darker. I’ve been like that since I was 3 years old. – Author: Rooney Mara

Funny Straight Up Quotes #1561749

#27. It’s really kind of a luxury for an actor to have the opportunity to show such different types of characters. I actually left ‘Cowboys & Aliens’ and went straight into ‘The Change-Up.’ It was kind of a funny change of pace. – Author: Olivia Wilde

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#28. It’s not common for a woman on television, especially if she’s the mom of the family, to be funny. She’s usually a straight man or foil. – Author: Martha Plimpton

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#29. Straight, huh? You know, funny thing is, often the straightest of trees have crooked roots. – Author: Ella Frank

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#30. Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit. – Author: Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Funny Straight Up Quotes #25364

#31. Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past. – Author: Erica Jong

Funny Straight Up Quotes #76783

#32. I have always believed that the key to a happy marriage was the ability to say with a straight face, ‘Why, I don’t know what you’re worrying about. I thought you were very funny last night and I’m sure everybody else did, too. – Author: Judith Martin

Funny Straight Up Quotes #101354

#33. When I’m playing comedy, I never do ‘jokes.’ Sometimes I’ll deliver a line in a way I think is more likely to get a laugh, but all the best comedy is played straight. What’s funny is the way it hits the world around it or the way it hits the other characters. – Author: Bruce McGill

Funny Straight Up Quotes #123227

#34. GRANDMA: Are you a gay?
ORPHEUS: I am straight. I’m definitely dating a girl, gran. Do you think she’s a man?
*She laughs*
ORPHEUS’ BRAIN: Thank god she took it as a joke. I would have been executed on the town square for such a rude back answer. – Author: Scarlett Brukett

Funny Straight Up Quotes #160428

#35. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is a form of service journalism. To be successful, I think it has to be a combination of a good story, it has to be funny, and it also needs to be packed with useful information. – Author: Ted Allen

Funny Straight Up Quotes #178812

#36. Our characters were antiseptic but we weren’t. And if you remember what we did on BATMAN, as the scripts were written very funny, we played them very straight. – Author: Burt Ward

Funny Straight Up Quotes #252811

#37. So what’s it to be, Bear?”
Dev lifted his leg and gave a sarcastic slap to his thigh.
“By golly, I’ll take door number two, Bob. You know the one that calls for straight suicide with a side of mutilation and pain? Sign my hairy ass up for that and don’t be late. – Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon

Funny Straight Up Quotes #290588

#38. Felicia- Tell me, are my whiskers on straight?
Cora- I truly never thought I’d be having that question asked by my daughter, but yes, they’re on straight. – Author: Jen Turano

Funny Straight Up Quotes #305193

#39. I’d love to do a comedy. I’d love to do a two-hander like the old Leathal Weapon movies. I love those, like an action comedy with the straight man and the funny man. I’d love to do one of those. Just got to find one, find a funny man that wants to do one with me. – Author: Jason Statham

Funny Straight Up Quotes #312327

#40. Let me get this straight. I can’t take the vampire with me because if I remove the stake, he can kill us all. Now I can’t take the girl because she’s what? some kind of ninja witch? – Author: Tate Hallaway

Funny Straight Up Quotes #313048

#41. Alex the waiter was on my Spank Naughty list in third place, right after Henry Calvill the actor, then Henry Calvill as Superman. He was proof that God existed, and that God loved straight women. – Author: Penny Reid

Funny Straight Up Quotes #356352

#42. It’s funny when I hear people complain – particularly about the most fabulous parts of being a designer, like when you’re getting ready to work on a show. I don’t even know that I’m tired. I could stay up for six days straight! No drugs, no coffee, no nothing. I’m just so excited. – Author: Michael Kors

Funny Straight Up Quotes #1161

#43. Is this your boyfriend?” the first nun asked.
Clair Olivia looked me up and down. “No. This is my gay friend who decided he was straight and single-handedly wrecked havoc at an all-boys school in Massachusetts this fall. He’s gay again and home for Christmas, so yay! – Author: Bill Konigsberg

Funny Straight Up Quotes #387083

#44. When I set out from the boy’s attic window, my head was so full of competing plans and complex stratagems that I didn’t look where I was going and flew straight into a chimney.
Something symbolic in that. It’s what fake freedom does for you. – Author: Jonathan Stroud

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#45. I don’t wanna be labeled as straight or labeled as gay. I just want people to look at me and see me as white. – Author: Sarah Silverman

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#46. My father was always a straight-up funny guy. He was silly. He was my inspiration. – Author: Mike Myers

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#47. The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack. – Author: Chelsea Handler

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#48. I just like the continue doing what I’ve been doing. A melange of funny, straight drama, television, movies, a little theater here and there wouldn’t hurt. So if I can keep doing that, I’ll be a very happy person. – Author: Mary Tyler Moore

Funny Straight Up Quotes #544969

#49. When he talked his eyes went away from mine and then he forced himself to look straight at me and he began to explain and I knew that he felt very strange with me and that he hated me, and it was funny sitting there and talking like that, knowing he hated me. – Author: Jean Rhys

Funny Straight Up Quotes #668037

#50. He’s wearing flannel!” Alan yelped. “He’s shoving his straight in my face! – Author: K.D. Sarge

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#51. Beautiful, funny, smart, sexual, and also neurotic? It’s like filling an inside straight. – Author: Woody Allen

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#52. People don’t know if i’m gay, straight or an alien from outer space.. its funny – Author: Gerard Way

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#53. The funny thing is, people only know me for having straight hair for work, but I live in Atlanta where it’s hot and humid in the summertime. So when I’m home, I wear my hair natural. My hair is naturally curly; I don’t have a relaxer. – Author: Keshia Knight Pulliam

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#54. Why would they have gone to the trouble to hire the best comedy writers in the business to write funny material for us to play straight, if the children in our audience were the only audience. – Author: Burt Ward

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